Ken Eccles, a 27 year old banker from Southport, Queensland, has had the best night of his life following his decision to continue staying out drinking despite being kicked out of Paddy McGuiness, an Irish themed Surfers Paradise bar, at 1 am.
Mr Eccles’ friends left the Irish bar when their friend was kicked out for being visibly drunk. After conferring they decided to try and get into The Beer Garden, a Surfers Paradise institution, known for being a place where you can buy alcohol.
Unfortunately for the group, the bouncer at the door would not let anyone in, despite Mr Eccles’ insistence that he only had drunk “about 4 beers”. Facing rejection, Mr Eccles’ friends decided it was already late and they should hail taxis and head home, but the 27 year old insisted that he would stay out and drink on his own if his mates were going to be “giant pussies”.
Mr Eccles, who describes himself as a man who just loves “booze, beaches and babes” then headed off to Sin City, despite his friends predicting an ugly end to the night. After managing to pretend to be sober long enough to get in the door, Southport’s own ordered a “Bundy & Coke” before proceeding to grind up a storm on the dancefloor.
“It was just the perfect combination,” Mr Eccles told the (un)Australian.
“The music was repetitive and lacked any hooks so it was easy to dance to, and I was incredibly wasted so my moves were tight as.”
According to Ken, soon the women were all over him, bros from all over the club were buying him drinks and he even got to party with local tv celebrity Bill McDonald.
He stayed out until 5, before selecting a blonde part-time model who was “totally not too drunk to consent” and heading back to her place where they engaged in “beautiful, passionate love making” for about 45 minutes.
To top it all of, on his way home Mr Eccles found a $50 note on the side walk.
Tom Reynolds, a friend of Ken who was with him earlier in the night praised the banker’s forward thinking.
“He was always a pioneer. He was wearing polo shirts and shorts back when we were wearing nice clothing like morons. I’m not surprised he was the first person to realise that if you stay out ridiculously late your night will just get better and you won’t wake up hating yourself for being a drunken idiot.”
Meanwhile, Mr Eccles remains enthusiastic about his discovery.
“It was just everything I hoped it would be after I drunkenly refused to go home despite it already being really late at the time I was originally kicked out of the bar.
“If I can offer any advise to all the young men out there who live for the weekend; stop listening to reason. Listen to the drunk voice in your head telling you the night will get better if you just stay out longer and find another bar.”
Matthew Farthing is the social events reporter for The (un)Australian. He was in Turkey during late April for ANZAC celebrations and was disappointed to learn that Armenians don’t commiserate the Armenian genocide by getting blind drunk and gambling on two-up.