Six Victims Left ‘Slightly Damp’ After Diet Coke Related Terrorist Attack

diet coke can

Staff at United Airlines are claiming vindication after as many as six people were left slightly damp in what is being described as the worst Diet Coke-related terrorist attack of all time.

 Yesterday  Jamal Fajloun, aged five-and-a-half, while at a family gathering at the popular picnicking site Clove Lakes park, seized a 334 millilitre can of Diet Coke, shook the beverage can aggressive before hurling it against a tree. The collision with the tree punctured the shaken beverage can causing it to emit a mildly charged spray of cola, marginally dampening the shoes of several nearby park goers who had been perambulating by the tree.

 A Senate inquiry has been set up to investigate how the attack was able to occur after the earlier incident on United Airlines.

 The federal government has announced changes to the Foreign Fighters Legislation in  response to the attack. Starting June 8, all Australians who attempt to travel overseas in possession of carbonated beverages will be detained and have their passports cancelled.

Nathan Lentern

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