In an effort to stop making stupid decisions due to fear, Middle Australia has gone fire walking to toughen itself up.
“I’m totally shit scared of so many things,” said Middle Australia from its duplex home in Sydney’s south west. “Terrorists, boat people, gays and lesbians, missing out on the Sydney property boom, smart meters, greenies and huntsman spiders.
“Because I’m such a wimp, I keep on doing dopey things like voting scare mongering twats into public office. Like I was all set to vote for Kevin Rudd at the last election but changed my mind when Tony Abbott promised to come around to my house with a big shoe and kill the huntsman spider.”
Stakes were raised at the session when the facilitator Preston Burgess filled the fire walking pit with Zaky Mallahs instead of white hot coals.
“I’ve got to force these people to face their greatest fears and prove to themselves they are made of sterner stuff,” said self help guru Burgess. “Filling the pit with Zaky Mallahs really does the trick.”
Middle Australia was initially reluctant to walk over the pit of former terror suspects but gritted its teeth before successfully completing the challenge.”
“I’m walking on air and ready to take on anything,” said an elated Middle Australia. “At first I was terrified because the Zaky Mallahs had scary beards and seemed very excitable, but I just took off my shoes and socks, held my head high and strolled right over the top of them.”
Burgess will be filling the pit with either Burmese refugees or huntsman spiders for next weeks session.