Australian sports fans have rejoiced at the stunning dismissal of the Australian Cricket Team for a measly 60 runs, capitalising on the opportunity to boo high level athletes that doesn’t involve racism.
The Australian cricket team were ousted in 18.3 overs, the shortest ever innings in Test history. The previous record was held by the American Cricket Team who in 1987 were dismissed in 18.4 overs after failing to put any players on the field.
Jake Begley, a 32 year old claims processor from Perth, was excited by the fortuity.
“I’m a huge sports fan so it should be taken as read that I love booing athletes,” said Begley, “but this season has been especially light on boo-able offenses. Many sports fanatics only had their racism to fall back on.
“With this Adam Goodes controversy giving us a bad name, I’m glad we can count on the Aussie cricketing team to provide us with a justifiable outlet to express our love of sports through jeering, name calling and raw harassment.”
As a result of the Australian team’s brave sacrifice, many are calling on captain Michael Clarke to be an early contender for next years Australian of the Year. However, conservative commentators, including Miranda Divine and Alan Jones, are expressing concern that Michael Clarke will use the pulpit to highlight the abuse that still occurs in Australia if your last name can be turned into “Clarkey”.
Matthew Farthing is the sports reporter for The (un)Australian. He will be among the many fans cheering at Sydney airport when the Australian cricket team returns from England with their participation certificate.