Daily Telegraph editor Colin Sludge is one of many News Corp editors left with no idea what to put on the front page of their newspapers now the company’s initial four week trial download of Photoshop has expired.
“I was having a ball faffing around with Photoshop turning Bill Shorten into a mushroom and making Tanya Plibersek look like a full on terrorist,” said Sludge. “Rupert’s way too much of a tightarse to pay for the full version of Photoshop and Microsoft Paint isn’t nearly as good.
“What am I supposed to put on my front page now? Proper even-handed investigative journalism that befits the largest selling newspaper in an open democratic society? Get real.”
News Limited accountants are investigating maybe posing as undergraduates to get Photoshop at the student rates but that plan was scuppered when they could find no-one working at the officer that could pose convincingly as someone capable of getting into university.
“Hold the front page, we can use this picture of Tony Abbott as a giant arsehole,” cried Sludge, before realising the picture hadn’t been Photoshopped.