Hockey Positions Himself To Be Australia’s New Queen

Hockey boat

Treasurer Joe Hockey has accepted the leadership role of a parliamentary friendship group to lead the push for Australia’s move towards a republic. A spokesman for Mr Hockey said that he was very excited at the prospect of being the leading political figure in the push.

“He’s absolutely beside himself,” said the spokesperson, “he has been practicing the royal wave … but with an Aussie twist. It’s been very popular in focus groups too.”

The (un)Australian asked whether Mr Hockey may be a little busy to be organising a push for a republic Australia.

“There’s not really that much to being treasurer, Mike. It’s not like you’re doing anything constructive or anything. It’s just a matter of taking a few benefits off a bunch of bludgers to get us back in the red.”

Earlier today Mr Hockey was spotted searching tiaras on a popular online wedding website.

“It’s quite simple really. Joe has a slight disregard for monarchists. He’d like, if possible, to see them cop it in the crown jewels.”

Matt Gaddes

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Categories: Politics

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