After a news reporter and her cameraman were shot dead live on air in the United States yesterday, the National Rifle Association (NRA) has called for laws to be introduced to make it compulsory for all journalists to be armed with a nuclear weapon.
An NRA spokesperson spoke to The (un)Australian about their controversial proposal, saying: “Well look here son, people are dying at the hands of others and the only way to stop this is with more weapons. Now I used to think having a gun made me indestructible, but then I realised there were more guns out there, bigger guns, shinier guns, guns that don’t make your butt look big, so I thought what’s the biggest gun out there? A nuclear weapon.”
Asked what would happen if an attacker had two nuclear weapons, the NRA spokesperson said: “Damn it son, you raise a good point, we should have these journalists in tanks, that shoot multiple weapons, heck maybe we could set all news shows in a bunker?”
The NRA is organising a fundraising drive with the hope of raising enough funds to arm every child in America, for their own survival.