Ice Epidemic A Bonanza For Scrawny And Sunken Eyed Actors

The current ice epidemic is proving to be a rich source of income for Australia’s most emaciated and haggard looking actors.

“My agent gets three or four calls a week asking how I look going berko in a shopping mall,” reported thin and hollow eyed Sydney actor Finchley Strasberg. “Up until recently my biggest role had been an extra as a wretched wanderer of a post apocalyptic landscape in the Mad Max movie, so I’m blessing my good fortune of looking like the image of a scary ice addict that nice suburban people carry in their heads.”

“I’m a specialist in pretending to brush imaginary spiders off my skin so I’ve been working non stop for the past six months,” said undernourished Melbourne actress Sonya Luvvie. “Ice has kept me off the streets and turned my life around completely. I need to act because I’m considered too thin to get a job as a waitress, even in a vegetarian restaurant.”

The announcement yesterday that the government is going to spend $100 million on a campaign against domestic violence was greeted with jubilation within the acting community, especially by actors who look a bit bullyish.

“I’ve already sent my blue singlet to the dry cleaners and cleared my audition schedule for the month,” said brutish looking Brisbane actor Bill Stageleft. “I’m ready to embody whatever it is the government needs me to do so that they appear to be doing something.”

Peter Green

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Categories: Arts

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