Police have promised to treat David Leyonhjelm no differently than any other Western Sydney Wanderers fan after the Liberal Democrat senator was arrested for setting off a flare during Question Time.
“Despite antagonising some sections of the force by suggesting that ;all cops are bastards’, we’ll be extending Mr Leyonhjelm the same courtesy that we give all football fans,” said senior sergeant Ken Walloper as he and six burly colleagues led the libertarian senator to a divvy van parked in a remote location behind parliament house.
“We have no problem with David turning up to parliament wearing his replica Liberal Democrat’s shirt and chanting songs all the way through the tabling of reports of the expenditures committee. But he knew full well that the moment he set off a flare, we’d be onto him like Laurie Oakes onto a second helping of tiramisu.”
“Normally we’d be concerned about police brutality towards any member of the public, but I guess in David Leyonhjelm’s case we’d be willing to make an exception,” said Adriana Fiddler from the Australian Council of Civil Liberties. “Perhaps he should have armed himself with one of his beloved guns if he didn’t want to be taken away and beaten to a pulp.”
Police later released a bruised and groggy senator Leyonhjelm without recording an arrest, citing the fact they couldn’t be bothered having to look up the spelling of his name every time they needed to complete a new bit of paperwork.