Seven victims are recovering from mild injuries following a mysterious explosion in Western Sydney earlier today. They were discovered unconscious in a café in in Liverpool by local resident Chris Murray who rushed to the scene to investigate a loud crashing sound. The explosion is now believed to have been caused by a journalist asking former opposition leader Mark Latham about the federal government’s Safe Schools’ program.
It is understood that the interviewer assumed that Mr Latham, being an outspoken expert on issues concerning bullying and harassment, would have been well versed on the ins and outs of the Safe Schools’ program. This proved to be a fatal error on their part when they failed to accommodate for the fact that the one time columnist for the Australian Financial Review was also profoundly ignorant and uninformed.
Victim Kerry Shepherd told The (un) Australian that after the journalist explained the Safe School’s program to Mr Latham, the impact was immediate. “It was like nothing I’d ever seen, suddenly the sky just filled with black, menacing storm clouds, the temperature dropped about ten degrees and the wind started howling and whistling. Latham just sort of screwed up his face, stared at the ground then suddenly there was this huge bang and a flash of blinding white light and next thing I knew I was waking up in hospital.’”
NSW Police are still determining whether to charge the journalist with recklessly endangering the lives of others but have stated unequivocally that anyone who shows Latham the new Olympic uniforms will be arrested.