The English FA has voted to pull out of FIFA in the hope of finding slightly easier opponents after being eliminated from the Euro 2016 championships by world football powerhouse Iceland.
“Even though Iceland could only manage to get nine players on the field due to their small population they were still way too good for us,” admitted English football boss Bobby Owngoal. “We owe our fans something to cheer at in the dark economic times ahead so we’ve made the decision to only play really crap teams that we have half a chance of winning against.”
England’s first game is expected to be against a Pitcairn Island reserve grade works team, which they are hoping to hold to a nil all draw.
“We really felt sorry for them and tried everything we could do in the second half to let them score a goal but they couldn’t even do that,” said Iceland captain Bjork. “Even when we all left the field and sat down on the sideline for ten minutes they still couldn’t score. In fact during that time they conceded another goal when the wind blew the ball into their net.”
England is hoping to advance to the next round of the non-FIFA world cup as one of the four best third place qualifiers, despite drawing the group of death which includes Antarctica, Hutt River Province and a set of Sparta Prague Subbuteo players.