Malcolm Turnbull is looking forward to playing lots of tricks on apprentice members of parliament during their first day on the job after taking a slight lead in the polls.
“I can’t wait to send one of the new guys off to the parliament house supplies store to ask for a long weight,” said the Prime Minister as he inspected the latest Galaxy Poll. “The Fyshwick Bunnings better be prepared for a whole host of apprentice senators turning up asking for tins of striped paint.”
“It’s an accepted part of the first day on the job for apprentice MPs and never did me any harm,” said Member for Sturt Christopher Pyne as he reminisced with a grin. “I fondly remember being set upon by Alexander Downer, Peter Costello and Nick Minchin on my first day as an apprentice. They pulled my pants down, rubbed boot polish on my testicles and then hung me from the roof of the house of representatives in a hessian sack for three hours.”
“I’ve been besieged by calls from senior members of the coalition asking my advice on what sort of tricks to play on the new guys,” said the Fake Tradie as he paused for a coffee break outside someone else’s worksite. “I guess I’m the only tradie most of this mob know. If they follow my advice Canberra is going to be full of wet behind the ears MPs chasing after glass nails, left handed hammers and replacement bubbles for the spirit level.”