Magpies Protest Against Cuts To Australia Post Deliveries


Australia’s magpies have threatened to go on strike in protest of plans to reduce the number of postmen as Australia Post looks to ways of cutting costs.

“My members have already indicated that they’ll support a campaign of stop swoop meetings if Australia Post goes ahead with its plans to only deliver mail on every second day,” said Les Maddern from the Federated Magpies and Plovers Union (FMPU). “Honest hardworking magpies are already suffering from the steady decline in numbers of paperboys and stray dogs for us to attack. It’s getting to the point where several magpies may have to share the one telegraph pole during nesting season and take turns trying to nip a chunk out of the postman’s ear.”

“I don’t think it’s because they’re sending all these jobs offshore but there seems to be a lot less mormons riding pushbikes then there used to be,” said Shire magpie Gary Sweet from atop a big gum tree in Loftus. “I blame the internet. Kids just don’t want to play outdoors anymore. My grandfather used to love talking about the glory days of the great depression when kids had nothing better to do then bowl a hoop along the street with a stick and there were enough swooping targets for everybody.”

Talks between Australia Post and the FMPU broke down when Australia Post representative Penny Black attended the meeting wearing a plastic ice cream container with a pair of backwards facing sunglasses on her head.

“It’s not my fault that all the magpies were too scared to come to the negotiating table,” said Ms Black as she waved a stick above her head. “Anyway, thanks to PokemonGo I’ve been assured that Australia’s parks will be full of unsuspecting targets for magpies to swoop on this springtime.”

Peter Green

In Sydney? Come and see our live show That’s (un)Australian! at Sydney  Fringe Comedy on Sept 6, 8 and 10. Book tickets here.

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter or like us on facebook.

Categories: News

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: