Celebrity food heater Pete Evans has advised his followers to reduce the size of their brains by adapting their level of scientific knowledge to that of a caveman.
“The human brain evolved to understand only paleo science, so modern humans should only believe whatever the guy in the tribe with the squarest jaw reckons is right,” said Evans in a series of wall paintings that he tweeted from his cave. “The modern human brain isn’t meant to understand stuff like evidence based science. The natural order of things is to pay attention to the biggest loudmouthed galoot.”
“Pete Evans must be right because he’s on TV all the time and they wouldn’t let you be on TV if you were some kind of idiot,” said paleo science fan Lucy Olduvai. “These people saying not to listen to Pete are weaklings with uneven jaws who’d be useless in a fight with a sabre toothed tiger.”
Evans expands his theories in his latest books The Renaissance Was Crap and Aristotle Was A Tugger.
“If these ancient Greek guys were so smart how come we only have sculptures of their heads whilst cavemen skulls that are over four million years old are still everywhere,” said Evans. “That’s because following paleo science fills your brain up with bone and helps protect it from people who say things you don’t want to hear.”
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