The Australian government will solve its budget deficit by putting Senator James Paterson’s eminently punchable face on display in the National Gallery and charging visitors $10 a shot to smack him in the kisser.
“Some people are born with melons that are just asking to have a fist driven through them and I’m one of those unfortunate people,” said the eight year old Victorian senator. “Our marketing predicts at least half a million people would be willing to line up for an opportunity to sock me in the mouth. My smug little dial is capable of earning more revenue for the nation than any sale of “Blue Poles” might bring in.”
“You don’t have to be a scholar of fine arts to appreciate the heritage and punchability value of James Paterson’s mug,” said Clyde Maple-Brown, curator of special walloping exhibits at the NGA. “Even the untrained layperson can recognise the sneering curl of the upper lip and the hair brush strokes of that private school tosser hairdo that he sports. Just thinking about the guy makes me want to give him a stinging backhander.”
Visitors to the exhibit will be given a choice of a large Sidchrome spanner, a splintery blue pole with a nail in it or a boxing glove with a horseshoe inside it with which to chin the senator. Staff are hopeful that visitors will then take the opportunity to explore the rest of the gallery and punch some of the other faces that are on display.
“We’ve had Peter Costello on display here since 2007 but with few visitors we were considering putting him into storage alongside Alexander Downer and Peter Reith,” said volunteer guide Audrey Hamilton-Forbes. “Christopher Pyne pops in every now and then so we always keep a spare set of knuckle dusters handy so casual visitors can clout him square in the honker.”