As polls begin to close across the United States, the whole world tensely awaits for the outcome of the nastiest and hardest fought United States elections in living memory — and it turns out, the world is not alone.
In a galaxy many millions of light years away, in an observatory deep in the territory of the Xgokliq Empire, the results of the tussle between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is eagerly awaited as the Xgokliq weigh up whether it is worth continuing their long-planned invasion of Planet Earth.
“Yeah, look we’ve planning this whole invasion thing for generations now,” Xgoklig spokesperson Mhoqizyx Klen told The (un)Australian said of the plan to invade Earth and harvest human brains as a power source. “And I reckon we are now just about four years away from being ready and now this bloody mess of an election risks the whole damn thing.”
Like many Earthlings, Mr Klen said he was greatly disappointed that the entire contest came down to a race between two candidates of such poor quality, but that the Xgokliq ultimately plump for Ms Clinton as the lesser evil.
“I mean, if Clinton wins, there might be a small chance the seemingly inevitable World War III won’t break out and destroy humanity in a nuclear holocaust before she finishes her term. But a Trump will cause the vast majority of the world’s brains to melt, and then we’re totally screwed.
“The only people left with brains on Earth will be Trump supporters and preliminary research suggests they don’t have enough between them to power a bloody mouse wheel let alone a huge galaxy-wide alien empire.”
On the alternatives offered by third party challengers in this year’s race, Mr Klen expressed sympathy for their stances.
“Look I quite like Jill Stein’s costed plans for universal health care, and us Xgokliqs have always appreciated the principles of individual liberty from Big Government that Gary Johnson talks about,” Mr Keen noted. “But at the end of the day this is a two horse race, so I am just hoping apathy and the suppression of minority voters doesn’t get Trump over the line.
“Sure, the smug look on Clinton’s face will be hard to take, but we just really really need those human brains as the power outage last week meant I missed conclusion to The Xgoklig Bachelor.”