The Trump Administration has touched down at Edwards Air Force Base after a successful mission to fly above the speed of awful, smashing through the Abbott Barrier and creating a sonic boom of awful that was heard around the world.
“Hey Bannon, got any Beeman’s?” asked Trump of his faithful sidekick Steve Bannon as he acquired his customary stick of gum before climbing into the cockpit of America and proceeding to create more awful over the space of a week than the world has seen since the 1930s.
“So he’s already appointed a climate change denier as head of the EPA, started building the wall, reapplied the abortion gag, abandoned free trade, possible treasonous dealings with Russia, started oppressing muslims and… and… there’s a ton of other stuff but I just can’t keep up,” said admiring New York Times journalist Sam Shorthand. “Anyone even trying to maintain a level of outrage over any one issue is being left behind in a cloud of irrelevance.”
“I came close to breaking the speed of awful but ended up going down in flames after I couldn’t control the knighting Prince Phillip factor,” said awestruck former Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott. “I reckon this bloke could give Prince Phillip the Congressional Medal of Honour and eat two onions at the same time and he wouldn’t even blink.”
President Trump has spent the afternoon in Marianas Trench aboard the submersible vessel ALVIN hoping to see if he can take American politics to its lowest ever point.