Thieves made use of the weekend’s Adele concerts to break into a vacant Sydney and steal everything of value, according to Police.
“Sydney got home after the show to find the windows wide open and all the silverware missing,” said Sergeant Rihanna Gaga of the major events squad. “The opera house, harbour bridge, Sydney Tower; all gone. They completely cleaned out Darling Harbour, leaving only that stupid looking nightclub that looks like a ship’s bow.”
“This was a well planned, very professional job carried out by a gang of thieves recruited especially for their indifference to slightly bland middle of the road popular music,” said insurance investigator Bill Noclaim. “We won’t really know the full extent of the heist till the last person gets out of the car park at Homebush Bay, probably sometime on Wednesday morning.”
The only Sydney resident who wasn’t burgled over the weekend was hermit Tony Scanlon who lives under a rock in the Kuring-Gai Chase National Park and who has never heard an Adele song.
“The last concert I went to was when Johnny Ray played the Sydney Stadium back in 1955,” said Mr Scanlon after emerging from his rock to buy some butter and a copy of the Australasian Post. “When I got home some mongrel had pushed my rock over and stolen all my slaters.”
Police have arrested a man with a stocking over his head after he tried to sell the entire Sydney ferry fleet to a Cash Converters store in Melbourne.
Peter Green and special guest headline generator Ewan Campbell