38 Year Old Man Now Owns Every Shirt He’s Going To Wear For The Rest Of His Life

A 38 year old shire man is done and dusted as far as shirt shopping goes for the rest of his life after recently adding an eighth shirt to his wardrobe.

“That’s it, unless I magically grow an extra arm or something, I don’t see any reason why I’d need to buy another shirt,” said Dolan’s Bay electrician Phil Hubbard after impulse buying a plain blue button up shirt from a Rivers outlet shop on the weekend. “I probably have two shirts too many as it is. I put that down to that mad spree back in 2006 when I bought two collared shirts from Tarocash in the same week after reading an article about shirts in Men’s Style magazine.”

The shirt is Hubbard’s first major addition to his shirt repertoire in five years, following on from the olive green t-shirt he found hanging on a post in the park after soccer training that he correctly guessed might be his size, and the paisley shirt his sister bought him for Christmas in 2009.

“I was initially sceptical about his “I just liked it” story and wondered if he was having an affair,” said Hubbard’s wife Candy when came home from a trip to the shops to buy a replacement part for the lawnmower carrying a bag from Rivers. “Then I remembered him staring intently at George Clooney in a DVD we watched the night before where George was wearing a nice blue shirt.”

Scientists in Belgium recently published a paper showing that the male body was the least abrasive substance to common shirt fabrics.

“Male sweat actually forms a compound with detergent that thickens the material that shirts are made from,” said Dr Hercules Tintin from the Brussells Institute of Shirt and Cardigan Studies. “The average male shirt should last sixty or seventy years, provided it is properly tossed down onto the bedroom floor for several days after wearing.”

Peter Green

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Categories: Science

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