Red Skins Renamed To Avoid Offending British Sunbathers

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Nestles have taken their “Red Skins” lollies off the market in deference to offense the name may have caused to sunburnt British backpackers.

“It’s no joke having to walk around Coogee looking like a lobster and having to wince in agony every time some idiot slaps you on the shoulders,” said Nestle spokesperson Kitty Katt. “This is in no way a cynical marketing ploy to get boofheads to start buying an awful blob of sugary gunk that no-one has willingly purchased for decades as a way of owning the libs in the same way they all started buying that slop craft beer.”

“It was a real kick in the guts see ‘Red Skins’ on sale at the kiosk every time I went to the local pool dressed in a large sack,’ said Birmingham born backpacker Clare Pintolager. “I’d go home and cry myself to sleep in a huge pool of aloe vera as I drew myself a vinegar filled bath.”

British backpackers have warned anyone who wants to whinge about Nestles’ decision that they consider any non-British person having a whinge as cultural appropriation.

“Nestle are very careful of protecting our corporate reputation,” said Ms Katt. “We don’t want the world to think we’re bad guys as we systematically go about buying the rights to all the water on earth and convincing mothers in developing countries to use our baby formula instead of breast milk.”

Peter Green

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