Once Proud Stubby Holder Reduced To Desk Duties


A stubby holder that was once a vital participant in legendary nights of drinking and carousing has recently been forced to eke out a miserable existence sitting by the computer holding pens and pencils.

“I’m meant to be clasping the damp glass of a frosty brew, not chock full of Lumocolor CD markers and Staedtler HB pencils,” complained shire stubby holder Phil. “I long for the feel of the Tasmanian tiger etched onto the outside of a Cascade Pale Ale instead of the abrasive lid of a Faber-Castell flouro orange highlighter.

“I don’t want to sound sour but this all started when he met her.”

“Phil was on duty keeping my Cooper’s Green cold the night the boys dared me to climb the next door neighbours fence and ride their Bernese mountain dog like a pony,” said wistful owner Matthew Hammond. “Then when Janelle moved in, she organised my work station for me and I actually find it quite clever the way she utilised my stubby holders as containers.”

Phil is looking at the wall calendar with great interest, towards the weekend three weeks away when Janelle is going away with her girlfriends to Melbourne to watch a musical.

“Maybe Matty will have a few of the boys around for a footy and pizza night while that woman is out of town,” said an optimistic Phil. “With any luck, he’ll even have to retrieve my best mate Gerry from the back of the glass cabinet where he’s currently wasting away protecting an upside down champagne flute from accidental breakage.”

Peter Green

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