Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has demanded that Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Cabinet give him the power to exclude people from the country or else he will piss all over the floors of parliament. “This is just… Read More ›
News
“Let Me Through, I’m A Wellness Blogger” Says Useless Bloke At Accident Scene
An absolute waste of atoms has heroically pushed his way through the crowd at the site of a horrific accident to administer some wellness to the seriously injured victim. “Stand aside everyone, I’m a qualified wellness blogger,” said grade a… Read More ›
Medieval Peasant Soldiers On At Work Despite Bad Case Of Bubonic Plague
A medieval peasant is continuing to soldier on at work with a heavy dose of bubonic plague despite being urged to take a few days off by his boss and fellow workers. “I noticed on Friday afternoon that Gary was… Read More ›
Parents Given 10 Year Jail Sentence For Taking Pram To Vivid
A judge has sentenced a Sydney couple to 10 years hard labour for the crime of “Being A Thoroughly Entitled Dickhead” after they brought a pram to the annual Festival of Being Crushed in a Crowd, popularly known as “Vivid”…. Read More ›
Dutton Confident He Has The Numbers To Roll NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian
Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has been seen wandering the halls of parliament telling colleagues that he is confident that he has the numbers to roll recently elected NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian and take her job. “Peter is… Read More ›
Christmas Crisis Deepens: Deported Santa Places All Australians On Naughty List
Several days after being detained by Australian Border Force, Santa Claus has been deported by Australian immigration for not having appropriate documentation to enter the country. In the early hours of this morning, Santa Claus boarded a Jetstar flight to… Read More ›
