Melbourne’s iconic laneways will be widened to a minimum width of 50 metres in an effort to make them covid-19 friendly spaces. “In time people will come to know Melbourne as a city of broad boulevards full of totally not… Read More ›
Eddie McGuire
Smug Office Worker Who Refers To The Footy As ‘Sportsball’ Surprised To Learn That They Weren’t Asked To After Work Drinks
Twenty eight year old Sydney based accounts assistant Jeff Jones has spent his week at work bemoaning to one and all how he has no interest in either of the weekends games of ‘sportsball’ as he calls it. Mr Jones… Read More ›
Richmond Fans Stunned To Learn That Football Is Played In September
Fans of the AFL club Richmond were stunned to learn that upon completion of the final round of the year that their side would continue playing throughout September. “Mate I’m stunned you know, I thought we play till the end… Read More ›
“Banana Splits” Banned From AFL
1970s TV stars “The Banana Splits” have been banned from attending Aussie rules games after fears that morons may hurl band members at indigenous players. “We’ve told security staff to be on the lookout for an elephant carrying a keyboard… Read More ›
AAA Painkillers now official sponsor of The One Nation Party
The makers of AAA Painkillers, Offshore profits Inc announced today that their painkiller would now be the official sponsor of Pauline Hanson’s One Nation party. Brand Ambassador for AAA Painkillers Melanie Linquist told The (un)Australian that: “We have been aware… Read More ›
We Were On Painkillers When We Hired Eddie McGuire Admits Channel Nine
Television network Channel Nine has apologised for hiring Eddie McGuire and blamed the decision on painkillers and antibiotics it had taken while recovering from some low ratings. “We were as high as a kite and for some reason thought Eddie… Read More ›
