Welcome to what is the first of hopefully many columns from myself Alan Moans for theunaustralian.net. I must admit I was somewhat surprised when a bunch of filthy lefties like theunaustralian.net contacted me to write for them. But I said… Read More ›
Kale
Woman With Christmas Shopping Already Done Overdoses On Smugness
A woman is in a critical condition in a Sydney hospital after taking an overdose of smug whilst declaring to her friends that she had completed all of her Christmas shopping several weeks before the event. “A female was admitted… Read More ›
Increase In Heart Disease Attributed To Hipsters Trying Out Halal Snack Packs
The Australian Medical Association says an alarming rise in heart attacks in inner western Sydney is due to increased consumption of halal snack packs by politically aware lunchers wanting to show solidarity with the Muslim community. “Ever since Pauline Hanson… Read More ›
Tainted Lettuce Blamed For Bill Shorten’s Plummeting Popularity
Tainted pre-packaged lettuce sold at Woolworths and Coles supermarkets has led to an outbreak of deadly salmonella poisoning amongst consumers. It is also being blamed for the potentially low polling figures of Opposition leader Bill Shorten. A spokesperson for Mr… Read More ›
Quinoa Officially Pronounced Wan-Ker
The Worldwide Association for Proper and Correct Pronunciation has today issued a press release clarifying that the ‘super food’ quinoa should be pronounced as ‘wan-ker’, as the q is silent. The press release has come as a bit of a… Read More ›
World Health Organisation Warns That Consumption Of Kale Leads To Arrogance
The World Health Organisation (WHO) has released a new report today warning that consumption of the ‘super-food’ kale over a period of time can lead consumers to have heightened levels of arrogance. The study was conducted in several cafes in… Read More ›