Welcome to what is the first of hopefully many columns from myself Alan Moans for theunaustralian.net.
I must admit I was somewhat surprised when a bunch of filthy lefties like theunaustralian.net contacted me to write for them. But I said to Myself Alan, never let your hatred get in the way of a potential paycheck.
Now I need no introduction really what with all the people out there who continue to view me as a national treasure. However for the few filthy lefties out there who need reminding let me tell you who I am and what I stand for.
I was born on the land, surrounded by weather board and iron and raised at the school of hard knocks. I’ve shaped minds as a teacher and risen to the pinnacle of sport by coaching Australia’s national croquet team.
From there I moved into the media where I find myself now with the title of Australia’s most sued man. A badge I wear with pride, well I would wear it with pride if I didn’t lose it when I was sued by the Girl Guides. You may have won this round Girls but like rust I never sleep.
Enough about me let’s get in to the meat and potatoes of this column. Unless of course some filthy vegan has a problem with that?
I don’t know why they would, this country was built on meat and potatoes. It wasn’t built on kale and quinoa, how dare these filthy vegans target our meat and potatoes. I shall call the Prime Minister straight after finishing this column.
Now where was I, oh that’s right the left not being right. If I had my way we would eradicate every left hand turn on the roads, sure you would constantly be travelling around in circles but at least you would be going the right way.
That’s enough for today, join me next week when I talk about the myth that is the climate.