Several beaches on the east coast of Australia remain closed to sharks after humans were spotted cruising up and down the surf armed with fishing lines and hooks.
“It’s just way too dangerous to be a shark going about your business in the water at the moment,” said Bondi great white Bruce Jackson. “Unfortunately we’ve had to declare the beaches closed until these humans drift away to the mountains for the snow season or get tired of eating flake.”
“Human attacks seem to be on the rise and I blame the greenies,” said Manly grey nurse Bronwyn Whaler. “Maybe if we’d eaten a few more humans back in the early twentieth century they’d have gotten the message and stayed out of the water for good.”
The beaches are expected to remain closed for several more days, as the humans were overheard discussing the need to go and get themselves a bigger boat.