Right-Wing Columnist Andrew Bolt To Cut Off Left Arm


Conservative Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt has declared he will cut off his left arm, as he sees no use for the left and believes its unorthodox ways are detrimental to the nation’s interests.

Mr Bolt expanded further, saying: “The majority of the population is right-handed, they do not follow the left. However, this is not respected by institutions like the ABC. Take the program Q&A, they rarely have a panel that isn’t inundated by the left, despite this country being founded by the right.”

Fellow conservative commentators applauded Mr Bolt’s actions, which ironically he won’t be able to do soon.

Prime Minister Tony Abbott commented on Bolt amputating his own arm by saying: “Well, Andrew is a friend and someone who’s opinion I value and if he thinks this is the best course of action, then I will look into it and discuss the matter with caucus.”

However, the move was condemned by medical professionals, with one doctor telling The (un)Australian, off the record, that incidents of self-harm like amputating limbs are usually a sign of a deeper issue.

When the doctor was shown Mr Bolt’s column and TV show, he recommended Bolt be sanctioned for his own well-being and that of the country.

Author: Mark Williamson

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