Cricketer David Warner has been named Australia Day ambassador, narrowly edging out Eddie Maguire and Professor Barry Spurr in what Border Protection Minister Peter Dutton labelled “the purest race in years”.
“By demanding an Indian batsman ‘speak English’, not only did Dave essentially manage to encapsulate Australia’s border protection policies in two words of abuse,” Minister Dutton said while announcing the award, “but his performance was also a nod to the pre-1973 language test, when things really were simpler.”
However, Warner’s appointment was not without controversy. Veteran game show host and Collingwood president Eddie Maguire was disappointed, stating that “I thought my career advisor role with Adam Goodes may have given me the nod this year.”
Yet Warner’s role has been warmly welcomed by advocacy group Public Transport Users for Racial Abuse, with the group releasing a statement saying that “what Warner brings to the cricket field, we are trying to bring each day, carriage by carriage, bus by bus.”
League legend Todd Carney also supported Warner’s appointment, offering his help in navigating the public spotlight. “Dave can drink at my fountain of knowledge any time,” he said.