It’s time again to sign up to play NRL Fantasy Superscandal, the most popular fantasy scandal game. Simply pick your squad of seventeen NRL players and earns points every time one of your players does something that gets him into the front part of the newspaper.

Scoring
Getting in a fight because someone was mouthing off: 15 points
Getting in a fight because someone can’t take a joke: 15 points
Public urination: 8 points
Public urination assist: 4 points
Public apology obviously written by club PR department: 6 points
Instagram photo of penis: (your own) 1 point (teammates) 1/2 point (Thai ladyboy) 2 points (Phil Gould’s) 5 points
Group sex (1st in line): 10 points
Group sex (5th in line): 2 points

Your Team
Your squad of seventeen must include three complete boofheads, two reformed bad boys on their last warning, four grubs, three rookies who are totally full of themselves, one ranga, two bewildered warhorses and two utter goodie goodies.

Tips from an expert
Here are a few tips from last years winner Rex Terp, coach of “Todd’s Carnage”.
“Get a hold of the official NRL season guide and make sure whoever is on the cover is in your team.”
“If the club starts encouraging articles to be written about how a certain player’s team mates are surprised at how well he’s knuckling down at training… snap him up. He’s a thug.”
“Expensive superscandal players like Willie Mason and Blake Ferguson are a waste of money. Pick up cheaper blokes with no form that look like they have a scandal in them, like Adam Reynolds.”

Superscandal preview – How does your club rate?

Parramatta
You’ve got to like a team roster where a bloke with the second name of Hopoate is the best behaved player in the squad. Players to watch: Chris Sandow, Anthony Watmough, Darcy Lussick (Don’t know anything about the guy but with a first name like “Darcy” he has to be a hood.)
Our Prediction: Top 4 with extra points for board members leaving death threats with each other.

Broncos
Supercoach Bennett is notorious for turning a blind eye to off field shenanigans as long as his players bring their A game on the weekend. As Queenslanders punching on is part of their DNA. Players to watch: Jack Reed (Ranga) Anthony Milford (Will be like a catholic schoolgirl letting loose after graduation day after escaping from Canberra.)
Our Prediction: 10th will fade around origin time as players behave in fear of Big Mal.

Canberra
Too cold for any public urination scandals in the mid winter months. They’ve lost both Dugan and Ferguson which are huge boots to fill. Dane Tilse is a good roughie if any girls dorms are left unlocked. Players to watch: Joel Edwards (big ranga) That dog that sucked off Joel Monaghan.
Our Prediction: 16th Will fight the Dragons for the scandal wooden spoon.

Bulldogs
James Graham will have the cheeky northerner position all to himself now that Sam Burgess has gone off to play rugby. Dave Klemmer looks like he has an aggravated assault or two brewing in him. Players to watch: Dave Klemmer has Steve Roach eyes.
Our Prediction: 5th If we could include fans the doggies would go up a spot or two.

Sharks
Paul Gallen is a superscandal must have. The more I look at the Sharkies the more there is to like. Andrew Fifita, Bryce Gibbs and Ben Barba may as well just get “I let the team down, I let the fans down. I let my family down” tattooed on their upper arm next time they visit Bali. And Chris Heighington may let another “fuck” slip out on national television if they win the grand final.
Players to watch: Wade Graham and Michael Gordon (Flanno shirt and jeans clad westies sure to start causing trouble as soon as they get off the train at Cronulla)
Our Prediction: 2nd Northies is chock full of nuffies asking to be slugged in the puss.

Titans
Schoolies happens outside of the footy season which is unfortunate for those looking for scandals involving the Titans. Greg Bird and everyone’s favourite interior decorator Nate Myles are mellowing with age. Players to watch: Paul Carter (Because when they want to clone a westy in 200 years time they’ll dig up his dad) Ryan James (Will get sick of people pulling his dreads)
Our Prediction: 14th Because there are more reporters for Seniors Weekly on the Gold Coast than real journalists.

Manly
Less likely to be involved in an all in brawl before leaving their own dressing room now that Watmough has gone to Parra. Players to watch: Tom Symonds (Big ranga) Josh Starling (Don’t know anything about the guy but has the most crim sounding name this side of Darcy Lussick) Brett Stewart might finally job David Gallop if he goes to a soccer match by mistake.
Our Prediction: 13th Peta Hiku may take exception to a rogue fan pointing out that he spells his name like a girl.

Melbourne
Melbourne have held their Mad Monday knees ups at Molly Meldrum’s place for nearly two decades but still haven’t managed to create even a whiff of scandal. Too busy noodling around in laneways and chasing big balls of red string. Players to watch: Tom Learoyd Lars (Has a viking berserkers’ last name and the face to match it.) Cooper Cronk (Is way too polite in a creepy kind of way. Has to be a serial killer)
Our Prediction: 11th A nude Storm player could run amok down Swanson Street with a spiked metal ball chained onto his nudger and the Melbourne papers wouldn’t notice.

Newcastle
Any bad behaviour by a Knights player tends to get lost in the background noise that is central Newcastle on any Saturday night. Darius Boyd has gone too, which is a shame because he’s such a nob that even Clive Churchill’s wife looked like she wanted to give him a clip on the ear after presenting him with the man of the match trophy after the 2010 Grand Final. Is Willie Mason playing for Newcastle these days. I can’t remember and couldn’t be arsed looking it up. Players to watch: Beau Scott (Pigshooter from Picton. Looks like the sort of bloke who’d know where to bury a body that would never be found. They never did catch Ivan Milat’s accomplice.)
Our Prediction: 6th Select one of those Mata’utias as a rookie. They have indiscreet instagram photo with naked milf written all over them.

North Queensland
The Cowboys are always there and abouts as the club of last resort for troublemakers to who had to leave Sydney in a hurry. They’ll be wanting to send Jonathan Thurston off with one last great scandal. Players to watch: Robert Lui, Ben Hannant (Likely to get into a scrap with one of the Bundy Bears)
Our prediction: 7th Look out for a good showing on Mad Monday after they get dudded by another crook refereeing decision.

Penrith
When’s the last time you heard of a Penrith player making the news? Exactly. A proper rugby league scandal involves nightclubs, party drugs and glamorous babes. These things are all a two hour train ride away for the Panthers. Players to watch: Jamie Soward is bound to get under the skin of one his bigger team mates and get flattened at training. Jeremy Latimore looks like that bloke who plays Hellboy.
Our prediction: 12th though Jamal Idris is capable of brilliance on his day.

Souths
Back when Souths used to attract about 5000 fans to its home games you could at least think that’s 5000 homes not getting broken into at the moment. Now they’re the glamour club of the league and their fans expect a much higher standard of off field dickheadness. Get ready for a spectacular post premiership implosion a la the 1992 Penrith Panthers. Players to Watch: Luke Keary (I diagnose a dose of early onset short guy syndrome) John Sutton (Will get pissed off when he gets overlooked for Origin for the twentieth year in a row)
Our Prediction: 1st. I’m basing this on Russell Crowe alone. Think how dangerous he would have been back in the 1980s when mobile phones were the size of a brick.

Roosters
There’s talent all over the park at the Roosters and so many things in the Eastern Suburbs begging to be punched. Irish backpackers, real estate agents, maoris, z grade TV celebrities, hipsters and Jared Waerea-Hargreaves. Players to Watch: It would be easier to list the players who won’t be awkwardly reading out an apology in front of a bevy of flashing cameras at some stage during the year. Jake Friend, Michael Jennings, Jared Waerea-Hargreaves, Blake Ferguson, Mitchell Pearce. Take your pick.
Our Prediction: 3rd. Mitchell Pearce’s mum must be a proper rager because his dad is the most boring man alive.

St George Illawarra
Ben Creagh. Jason Nightingale, Gareth Widdop. These are the sort of guys who’d bring your daughter home from a date half an hour early and not drive off until they’re sure she’s safely inside the house. The only hope is that someone will finally snap and whack Josh Dugan in the kisser.
Players to watch: Dane Neilsen has had more clubs than Tiger Woods. Craig Garvey has form and could be a great cheapie.
Our Prediction: 15th. Sorry Dragons fans, if you see one of your players at the side of the road it’s because they’re helping an old lady change a tyre, not because they’re spewing up in the gutter.

Auckland Warriors
Warriors players spend more time on tour than any other team. That means lots of opportunities to drink all the little bottles of grog in the bar fridge and go out on the town looking for coppers to piss on. Players to watch: Shaun Johnson looks like a prime candidate for some of that making love with a gorgeous lady and accidentally filming the results and accidentally releasing it to the internet action that Konrad Hurrell gets up to. Konrad Hurrell hopefully has more film in the camera.
Our Prediction: 8th. Warriors players suffer from having to compete with rugby players for all the good scandals.

Wests Tigers
Spawned by a merger of two clubs with a fine history of big galoots who like to put themselves around like Tommy Raudonikis and Steve Roach, this years Wests Tigers crop pales in comparison. Not a Kerry Hemsley/Kevin Hardwicke style prison fanny beard in sight. Hopefully one or two of the young up and comers will grow a great big head if they get three Dally M points in a game early on. Players to Watch: Mitchell Moses has that combination of bogan and biblical in his name that spells trouble.
Our Prediction: What’s left. er 9th. That sounds too high for this bunch of goody two shoesers.

Peter Green
www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter
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