In a move that is sure to shock your parents, the Cabinet has approved Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s proposal to increase the cost of stamps from 70c to $1.

A stamp, for those born after 1991, is a little sticky square applied to a non-electronic form of e-mail, known as mail, which indicates to the post office that the mail delivery service has been paid for.

The cost of stamps technically falls under the purview of the Communications Minister even though no one has communicated via mail since Gmail was made available to the general public in 2007.

The move will also see the creation of a two-tiered stamp system; a ‘priority’ stamp will ensure the same mail service you currently have access to, but never use, for around $1.50. The aforementioned $1 stamp will slow your letter delivery by about 2 days and will force Australia Post to retain your mail’s metadata for 2 years.

The move has upset civil liberties groups, who were quick to take to email and instant messaging services to communicate their displeasure.

“This is like the destruction of net neutrality, but for, like, the real world, or whatever,” Rosie Dib, a member of the NSW Council of Civil Liberties communicated via a Facebook group message.

Malcolm Turnbull has defended the new stamp system, pointing out that mail metadata will help the Australian government fight terrorists who do not have access to a modem.

“There are some poorly equipped terrorists out there and we need the tools to stop them before they attack with poorly constructed weaponry” the Communications Minister warned.

While Cabinet has approved the proposal, it still can be blocked by the ACCC, who now have to determine if the establishment of a two tiered stamp program will create a separation of classes spawned from a system where the rich have their letters sent two days earlier than the poor.

This partly involves waiting in a back alley to see if a time traveler from the future comes back to this moment in time to warn us that this new stamp proposal is the beginning of a dystopian timeline where a postal based caste system leads to the subjugation of those who could not afford ‘priority’ mail, or ‘snail mailers’ as they’ll be known in the future.

Matthew Farthing is the political reporter for The (un)Australian. He believes letter writing recalls the romantic days when former Prime Minister John Lyons would hand write sexually explicit notes to Dame Enid. Contact him at PO Box 20012, Sydney, NSW, 2000.

https://twitter.com/MattJFarthing

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Categories: Politics

Tags: Australia Post, Malcolm Turnbull, Matthew Farthing, Stamps, The unAustralian