Andrew Bolt Compares Jesus To Reclaim Australia, Jesus To Sue For Defamation

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Jesus Christ of Nazareth will be pursuing a defamation suit against Andrew Bolt after the controversial columnist compared the former carpenter to reviled figures including the Reclaim Australia protesters, a spokesperson for the Kingdom of God has confirmed.

Channel 10, who aired the comments on made on The Bolt Report, was not a named party as lawyers concluded there was no money to be made from the failing enterprise.

Mr Bolt started his show, which aired on Easter Sunday, with an editorial explaining that Mr Christ was executed for exercising his right to free speech, not unlike how Bolt himself was found guilty of contravening Section 18C of the Racial Discrimination act.

“Messiah complex” is not a diagnosable disorder listed under the DSM V.

The self-proclaimed agnostic then proceeded to continue his illustration by likening Jesus’ horrific crucifixion to the criticisms faced by advocates of offshore detention centres, global warming deniers, and Islamophobic bigots.

“Now I am most certainly not likening any of those people who have been shut down to Christ, but…” Mr Bolt clarified, before continuing on with his comparison of Jesus to Scott Morrison, Lord Monckton and the Reclaim Australia protesters.

“That last comparison caused the son of God to spit his ambrosia all over his flat screen” Gabriel, Heaven’s official spokesperson, told reporters during a press conference held out the front of Leviathan’s Wet and Slippy Fun Slide, one of the rewards that meet the blessed in the afterlife.

“Jesus would like to make clear he retains a friendly relationship with Mohammed and even invites the prophet to his basement poker nights.

“The wages of sin are death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. When Jesus picked up the tab for humanity’s sin, it was for all people who have ordered drinks in God’s bar, including Muslims.

“The comparisons Mr Bolt has made throughout his editorial are egregious, injurious and defamatory. The nature of our Lord’s sacrifice has been purposefully misrepresented as a defence of the extreme right and we will be pursuing damages through legal channels.”

The lawsuit puts Jesus Christ in the same company as magistrate Jelena Popovic and human rights lawyer George Newhouse, both who have successfully sued Mr Bolt for defamation.

When reached for comment, Mr Bolt labelled Jesus’ lawsuit as an “attempt to silence [Mr Bolt] through legal channels” and “an outrageous attack on free speech, not unlike when Jesus was crucified by the Romans.”

Matthew Farthing is the religion reporter for The (un)Australian. His favourite pastor is spaghetti.

https://twitter.com/MattJFarthing

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