Fans of the 1960s version of One Direction have called on scientists and religious leaders to help the woman blamed for the original “Zayn Malik Fiasco” to achieve immortality.
Yoko Ono is alleged to have stolen John Lennon in 1968 but was never charged. The Beatles broke up in 1970 but again Scotland Yard wasn’t confident it had enough evidence to prosecute the Tokyo-born performance artist, peace activist and notorious home-and-band-wrecker.
Lennon’s first wife, Cynthia, died the weekend before last in Spain aged 75 after a short battle with cancer. The family delayed the announcement for a few days to give her a headstart in case Ono followed suit and began an unseemly race towards the light.
John and Cynthia were childhood sweethearts who met in art class in 1958 and were married in 1962. Their six-year marriage produced a son, Julian, before Yoko Ono appeared on the scene in what people with red faces and froth around their lips describe as “a fucking national disgrace” and an indication of things to come.
After their 1968 divorce, Cynthia married several times but the interviews about her first husband were lucrative whereas the interviews about her subsequent spouses were not. As a result, little is known about the later ones at all.
Never a fan of the spotlight, she decided to keep her first married-name in an unorthodox attempt to attain anonymity with reverse-psychology.
Mrs Lennon has told The (un) Australian via Ouija Board, she has re-united with the ex-Beatle in Paradise and is hoping for at least ten years with John this time before 987-year-old Yoko Ono robs her again.
President of The Beatles Fan Club, Max Robinson-Arkwright, says the group is working with several ashrams, churches, heart foundations and cancer research charities to ensure a happy eternity for Mr and Mrs Lennon.