Ireland Votes Yes To Allowing Straight Couples To Enjoy Eurovision


An historic referendum has resulted in a resounding yes to allow heterosexual Irish couples to watch and enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest.

“It’s great to finally have our rights to get feverishly obsessed with high camp recognised alongside those of gay people and their partners”, said Limerick music fan Declan Kelly and his wife Lorna. “I was wonderful to be able to vote for some clown from Lithuania dressed as a pumpkin and singing some tripe with way too many la la las in it without having to conceal the fact that we were phoning whilst sharing a rug on the lounge.”

Not everyone was happy with the result.

“I’m offended that while I’m having a naked Eurovision party in my home with several of my close friends that somewhere else in a house I know nothing about there now might be a man and a woman doing the same thing together”, said Waterford hairdresser Domonic O’Kieran. “Does it not say in the bible in 2 Chronicles 5:12-14 that the sons of Israel did dress in fine linen and stand at the altar playing cymbals, harps and lyres accompanied by 120 priests on trumpets. That sounds like fecking Eurovision to me and I don’t see any mention of the daughters of Israel getting an invite too.”

The referendum also recognised that rights of Ireland’s straight couples to renovate inner city terrace houses together and to be seen walking afghan hounds in public.

Peter Green
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Categories: Arts

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