Nation’s Wankers Decide Topics Of This Year’s Dinner Party Conversations


“My solo motorbike ride through Tajikistan” and “Why I don’t watch Game of Thrones anymore” have emerged as the big winners as topics to be introduced as dinner party conversation as Australia’s wankers held their annual conference.

“I am really glad that ‘Why I don’t vaccinate my kids’ and ‘The only place you can really get a decent cup of coffee is Venice’ also made the list”, said Sydney delegate Jarred Crockett as Wankfest 2015 concluded at a boutique art hotel in Terrigal. “I’m also totally chuffed that the green light has been given to totally shout down any discussion of a current news topic by disdainfully stating that it is taking up space in the public debate that should be given to the suffering victim’s of the forgotten war in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.”

In other motions passed at the conference, the jet ski has been chosen as the vessel of choice for traveling on the nation’s waterways for the twentieth year running, and approval has been given to the fourth car in line to join the third car in line to start honking their horn at the traffic lights if the first car in line takes a micro-second too long to move off.

Not all delegates are happy with the outcome of the conference.

“I was really hoping that the one wheeled motorbike was going to replace the SUV as the method of choice for terrestrial locomotion but the old school wankers refused to budge on the topic”, said disappointed Melbourne wanker Michael Wang. “And I’m amazed that the American Pit Bull is still the official wanker’s dog when the Siberian Malamute is clearly the better choice. And don’t you dare call it a husky.”

Peter Green

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