Medical authorities are treating with caution new scientific studies showing that electronic heroin syringes are 95% less dangerous than regular pointy metal syringes.
“This would be wonderful news for smackies who want to get wasted in venues that have traditionally frowned upon them rolling a sleeve up, tying off an arm and messily injecting themselves with the drug,” said Selwyn Froggett, inventor of the electronic syringe. “This delivery system gets the user into their usual catatonic state without exposing them to dangerous impurities or the severe health risks associated with needle sharing.”
“The e-heroin allows me to get my hit while I’m out at the pub with my mates without having to excuse myself to find a toilet cubicle to shoot up in,” said Panania druggo Brian Cohen. “Plus it eliminates the need to fire up my H in a spoon with a cigarette lighter, something that often bothers other people at nearby tables.”
While authorities are undecided about the legality and health side effects of the device, venue owners are encouraged by what they are seeing.
“The place is full of junkies once again which is great for business,” said niteclub owner Wayne Cleveland. “It’s nice to see the joint occupied by all these listless guys staring into space and murmuring to themselves about how intense the colours are.”