New Poll Shows Everybody Is More Popular Than Tony Abbott

One man whose name has been forgotten by history.

According to the latest (un)Australian poll, everybody else in the world is now more popular than Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

Communications minister Malcolm Turnbull has cemented his lead over Abbott as the most popular choice as prime minister across all major voter groups.  The poll also showed the Coalition would face a 36-seat electoral wipe-out if the election was held today.  Social services minister Scott Morrison, independent Senator Nick Xenophon and the shark that attacked Mick Fanning also polled well.

A Liberal Party insider spoke to The (un)Australian off the record, saying they were talking to a number of different people to lead the Liberals into the next election, on grounds that “every time Tony makes a decision, it’s the wrong one, from the same sex marriage stalemate, to his gaffs with women. Even him eating a raw onion polled badly.

“So now we are looking for someone who is not only more liked than Tony, but also resonates with voters and comes with a high public profile.”

The research reveled some of the other people more popular than the prime minister, Nick Kyrgios, Rolf Harris, Eddie McGuire, Vladamir Putin, Kyle Sandilands and Shane Warne.

The Liberal insider said: “Look, Nick’s a complete twat, but if he wins a few games, the Australian public will fall back in love with him, so we are just waiting to see the results of his next couple of matches before we officially approach him.”

The only person whose approval rating matched Abbott’s in the latest poll was found to be Bill Shorten.

Gus W. Templeton

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Categories: Politics

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