By-Election Candidates Jostle For Privilege Of Holding Seat For Last Sad Months Of Abbott Government

ballot box

Potential members for the West Australian seat of Canning have begun campaigning furiously for the honour of occupying the seat for the final sputtering days of the current government.

“I don’t think I’ll even bother buying plane tickets to Canberra if I win,” said Liberal Party candidate Veronica Lodge. “I imagine the government will have lurched its way into oblivion by the time the next sitting of parliament rolls around.

“Still, I’m going to chuck everything into this because it’ll look good on my resume.”

“I don’t see the point of even uprooting the signs with my face on it from people’s front yards at the end of the campaign because we’ll be needing them again right away,” said ALP candidate Forsythe Jones. “I certainly won’t be redecorating any vacant shopfronts in the electorate to use as an office, though I suppose I might pitch a tent in the main street of Pinjarra.”

The by-election, brought about by the passing of much loved occupant Don Randall, will be eagerly followed by the national media and the sort of nerds who watch Q&A  as a gauge to the durability of the Abbott regime.

“Of course I’ll be fielding a candidate,” said PUP leader Clive Palmer. “I’ve already been canvassing local nutbars looking for suitable talent. With any luck this one won’t have enough time to get sick of my bullshit and go independent on me before the current government implodes.”

Peter Green

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