New Law To Ban Public Servants From Saying ‘Thank God It’s Friday’

michaelia cash

Under a new law being proposed by federal employment minister Michaelia Cash, all public servants will be banned from uttering the phrase “Thank God It’s Friday” in a bid to change what Cash described as “an outdated work place culture”.

In a bid to bring the public service “into the 21st century”, Cash said under the law any public servant caught uttering the phrase would be sacked as part of challenging the “ingrained sense of entitlement” workers seemed to feel for a two-day weekend.

She emphasised that the ban extended to all forms of “social media” as well, including cute cat memes featuring the infamous slogan.

“We do monitor your social media output and we do know what ‘hashtag T-G-I-F’ actually means,” the minister warned. “Well, George Brandis didn’t, but once we spent half an hour explaining the concept of a hashtag, he eventually figured out the acronym.”

Cash told The (un)Australian that the new law was a first step to force public servants to accent reform was needed to “inefficiencies no longer viable in the 21st century”, such as having two wasted days every single week.

The minister, whose workplace recently gave former treasurer Joe Hockey a standing ovation, said public servants were “out of touch” with the “attitudes and values” of ordinary Australians.

“The public service simply don’t live in the real world,” said Cash, whose ministerial salary pushes $350,000 a year. “The work place culture has changed and the modern, aspirational worker understands that the key to innovation in an ever-changing world is ‘flexibility’.

“It is only the sort of dinosaurs represented by the union movement who stubbornly stick to the outmoded attitudes such as the existence of ‘weekends’. That is what this law is seeking to grapple with.”

Public sector workers would also face the sack if they were overheard on Mondays responding to polite inquiries about “how their weekends were” with “Not long enough”.

Carlo Sands

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