Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has eschewed major celebrations and instead is opting for an ordinary day of tax payer funded decadence and pointless ceremonial rituals to mark her becoming England’s longest reinging monarch. On Wednesday, the Queen surpassed Queen Victoria’s record of 63 years and 216 days, a feat which serves to inspire tens of thousands of long term unemployed citizens throughout the Commonwealth.
Elizabeth’s many notable achievements of her 63-year reign have included the time she did nothing at the opening ceremony of the London Olympics, the time she did nothing at the funeral for Princess Diana and the time she didn’t bother to turn up at the wedding of her first son Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles.
In a brief statement, Prince Charles paid tribute to his mother. “She has been the single greatest influence on my life. Indeed without her I would not be able to call myself the Prince of Wales today.”