Targeted Facebook Ads Tells Wanker What His Friends Are Too Polite To Say


A soulless algorithm determining what ads are best suited to him based upon his Facebook profile has managed to inform a Kirrawee man that he is turning into a complete and utter wanker, something his closest friends have been too polite to tell him.

“Apparently this computer program sums up your personality from the pictures you’ve posted and the comments you’ve made and then sends out ads based on what it thinks you’ll like,” said distressed Kirrawee man Roy Ferguson. “I keep getting these ads for William Hill bookmakers featuring this guy who looks like a complete wanker and previews clips for some scabby looking Jason Statham movie. It really stings to have a non sentient tracking code tell me that I’m a such a tosser.”

“None of us have had the guts to break the news to Roy that he needs to take a long hard look at his levels of wankerdom,”said Ferguson’s best mate Johnno, “so we’re relieved that the predictive behavioural targeting performed in some anonymous data bank has done the job for us.

“He’s been greeting us all with that fingergun gesture and started using phrases like ‘own the moment’ so hopefully all those William Hill ads on his feed will provide him with the wake up call we’ve been reluctant to administer.”

Ferguson is currently reconsidering his lifestyle in light of receiving a spate of ads asking him to consider Nicaragua as a holiday destination and offering him an American Express Platinum Card.

Peter Green

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Categories: Social Media

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