The sporting community is in chaos after an athlete refuted every victorious post-match press conference ever given by crediting his victory to his own hard work and application rather than professing that he couldn’t have done it without his fans.
On Tuesday Melbourne-based pentathlete Anthony Harvey told stunned reporters that despite the rousing support from tens of thousands of fans, his performance had been no better than performances in front of empty stadiums days earlier.
His shocking announcement has been a catalyst for a string of other athletes to come forward and cast doubt on the influence of fans over performance.
Sydney Roosters backrower Jason Peterson has told The (un) Australian: “Actually I think a combination of rigorous training and a degree of natural ability is what does it. You know, we’re actually professionals. We’re employed to provide performances to a consistently high standard, we wouldn’t actually have jobs if we only ever did it for our fans.”
Sporting fans nationwide are reportedly stunned by the revelation that sitting on a chair, getting inebriated and yelling profanities was more or less irrelevant to the outcome of the match they were watching.