Socially Awkward People Hoping Bad Weather Continues


Socially awkward people, tradesmen and elevator passengers across the nation are hoping for the trend of hot and humid weather to continue over the coming week, thus enabling the easy facilitation of non-controversial conversations.

“Mugginess is pretty much the holy grail of weather talk,” said Penny Chinwag from the Centre for Harmless Nattering and Ice Breaking Banter. “There’s no such thing as a stranger when the relative humidity rises above 90%, something we in the pointless blather industry refer to as the ‘have a chat’ line.”

“My advice to anyone wishing to enter into a conversation about the mugginess is to keep all observations pleasant and non specific,” said professional small talk coach Ray Yakkity-Yak, who counts a host of CEOs and politicians amongst his clients. “It’s good to puncture chit chat about how muggy it is with some kind of shirtsleeve tugging to indicate your desire for a bit of airflow but I wouldn’t mention the hell it’s playing with the chafing on your inner thigh unless you’re talking to a really close friend.”

Cool, overcast days with little chance of rain are statistically the worst for weather conversations, with GPs reporting a increase in clinical depression amongst little old ladies unable to initiate a conversation with postmen and meter readers on days when these atmospheric conditions occur.

“I talk professionally about the weather and never get tired of it,” said meteorologist Jane Isobar. “My personal favourite is the ‘stinker’. As far as I’m concerned it’s never hot enough for me.”

Peter Green

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