Fracking Company Executive Arrested For Chaining Himself to Lentil Pot


A protesting executive from a coal seam gas exploration company has become the first person arrested under updated anti protesting laws in New South Wales after chaining himself to a lentil pot at the headquarters of anti-fracking organisation Lock The Gate.

“I feel it’s my civic duty to try to stop the spread of lentil cooking,” said protester Ken Deadheart, CEO of mining company Scumbag Energy. “There is widespread community concern that Premier Baird is in the pocket of the hemp clothing lobby and Big Kale.”

“Protesters like Mr Deadheart have got to understand that these laws have been enacted for their own safety”, said Premier Mike Baird. “Lentil pots are dangerous pieces of heavy equipment and he’d only have himself to blame if he got patchouli oil stains all over his good business suit.”

Instead of greeting the protesting mining executive with violence, Lock The Gate members attempted to make Mr Deadheart feel welcome by hugging him and playing him a selection of stirring counter-culture anthems on the guitar. It has been since reported that Mr Deadheart unchained himself and begged authorities to send him away to prison for the maximum seven years.

Peter Green

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