Teams in Australia’s football A-League will each be allowed to import two high profile marquee hooligans from next season in a bid to improve the quality of crowd violence.
“While we have many high quality home grown hooligans in this country we all know that it’s the big name overseas hooligans that the fans love to see go steaming in,” said Sydney FC director Jock Thumper. “We’ve already been scouting out a couple of seasoned professionals from Leeds and Millwall and hope to announce our first signing once he gets released from prison.”
“I’ve heard that the standard of hooliganism is surprisingly high down in Australia and I can’t wait to get into the terraces and start laying into a few yobbos,” said Netherlands hooligan Wim “The Windmill” Van Der Pummel, who recently signed a two year contract with the Central Coast Mariners. “I’m really looking forward to introducing the Dutch concept of ‘Total Hooliganism’ to local hoods and bringing the technical head-butting skills of Aussie fans up to the same standard as their European counterparts.”
Daily Telegraph sports writer Rebecca Wilson welcomed the initiative stating that anything that raises the quality of hooliganism in the A-League will make her job of white-anting the sport of football much easier.
“The only thing that surprises me is that Football Federation Australia isn’t looking at luring a few rugby league to the sport to bolster the ranks of hooligans,” said Wilson. “The fact that NRL referees are now located in a bunker suggests that league fans are up there with the best in the world when it comes to menacing violence.”