The Great Barrier Reef has officially been re-named the Crappy Barrier Reef after the worst coral bleaching event on record has left the formerly colourful natural wonder looking whiter than the cast of Home and Away.
“This is going to be a hard sell but I’m looking forward to the challenge,” said Reg Pineapple, head of Tourism Queensland. “The slogan ‘Beautiful one day, shithouse the next’ doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as well as the old one but I’m sure people will be just as happy to look at the lifeless remains of the reef as they were to come and gawk at it when it was full off fish and stuff.”
“We’ll be able to save a heap of money by filming the sequel to Finding Nemo in black and white,” said Pixar director Sally Desklamp. “It always was a bastard of a job colouring in the background, but this means we can toss out the big box of coloured pencils and just use an HB.”
The effects of global warming are expected to lead to name changes for a number of iconic features of the Australian landscape. The Snowy Mountains will soon be known simply as The Mountains, The Australian Antarctic Territory is to be re-titled Surfers Paradise and the Great Sandy Desert will be referred to as Australia.
“There’s plenty of barrier reef to spare, that’s why it used to be called the ‘Great’ barrier reef instead of the ‘Tiny’ barrier reef,” said climate change denier Lord Monckton. “Until such time as I can find convincing proof that my concern for the future of this planet is far more important than my need to be right all the time, my stance will not change.”