Ginger Pride Rally Called Off Due To Unexpectedly Fine Weather


Many are chalking it up to one more consequence of global warming. Plans by Melbourne’s long-oppressed Ginger community to hold their first-ever Pride rally over the weekend had to be cancelled due to adverse weather conditions after the day proved sunnier than hoped.

“Sadly, we had to cancel the march on safety grounds,” Ginger Pride rally organiser Bluey McFanta told The (un)Australian. “We wanted a show of force from Melbourne’s redheads to reject all the unfair and hurtful stereotyping our community has long faced, but as we all know, Gingers burn to a crisp at the merest hint of sun so we just couldn’t risk it.”

Others have pointed to the cancellation as evidence the Ginger community are silent victims of climate change.

“Gingers have always struggled in Australia in the summer months,” redheaded climate activist Dr Amber Bloodnut said. “But now with all months of the year smashing temperature records, there is no respite.”

In response, Dr Bloodnut called for compensation from governments for Ginger suffering due to climate inaction, noting: “It is a fact that Gingers are statistically responsible for the smallest percentage of carbon emissions of any hair colour, yet we are suffering disproportionally from global warming. Outrageously, world governments refused to even discuss any Ginger compensation mechanism at the recent Paris talks.”

Not all sectors of the Ginger community were in favour of the since-cancelled Pride march, with more militant sectors denouncing it as a betrayal of the cause of Ginger liberation.

Radical Ginger splinter group Revolutionary Association for National Ginger Action (RANGA) slammed event organisers in a statement as, “assimilationist sell outs appealing to the System with their special pleading for ‘fair go’ from our Oppressors!”

“Ginger Pride? More like Gingers Performing for the Establishment to allow a few liberal-minded non-Gingers to feel good about themselves when they take a few selfies at the march so they can boast to all their followers on Instagram that they have ‘Ginger friends’!”

As an alternative, RANGA released a “Minimum Program for Ginger Liberation” that included the demands, “Death to all anti-Ginger bullies” and “expropriation of the sunscreen industry and provision of free sunscreen to all redheads”.

RANGA insisted: “We are sick to death of being bled dry by the profiteering sunscreen industry! $15.99 for a small tube of Banana Boat 50+? Enough! We demand Sunscreen for All!”

Meanwhile, Ginger Pride organisers are considering planning their next Pride march in Antarctica, although climate scientists have warned them to do so quickly, as spiraling climate change threatens to render the area unsuitable for Ginger habitation.

Carlo Sands

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1 reply

  1. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    OH WELL…!


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