A special investigation by The (un)Australian has revealed that so called Q&A “hero” Duncan Storrar is a late library book returning fiend whose opinions on the inequalities of the Australian economy can now be safely disregarded.
“Let this be a lesson to any hapless bogan who dares raise his or her head above the water to voice their thoughts about the direction of our society,” said (un)Australian publisher Jock Bollocks in a rare public outburst. “I was initially impressed by Duncan’s pluck and asked my reporting staff to fully investigate his past so we could find other nice things to write about him. Therefore you can only imagine my disappointment when we dredged up the fact that he once took back a copy of Charlotte’s Web two days late to his local library.”
“The fact that he uses a library instead of buying books himself shows that the man is a socialist scrounger who demands that hardworking Joe Taxpayer should subsidise his entitlement to read his kids a bedtime story,” screamed (un)Australian opinion writer Melanie Stormtrooper. “It sickens me that he uses his mental health issues as an excuse for falling behind the rest of us. He should be more like me and use his mental health issues as the basis of a career as an opinion writer.”
The ABC has been criticised for allowing someone without the smarts to cover up their past criminal activities to ask a question on a nationwide television show.
“The only people who should be allowed to make a contribution to the national debate are those without any kind of shady past,” said talk back radio caller Mavis Lonelyoldgit. “Obviously we should make an exception for those people who used to own dodgy shelf companies or whose media empires illegally phone tapped members of the public.”