Hamburglars Not Getting Paid Weekend Penalty Rates


Australia’s hamburglars are being denied thousands of dollars a year in wages due to a sweetheart deal cut between their employer McDonald’s and the Associated Hamburger Pinchers and Caped Stripey Shirt Wearers Union.

“The company knows that peak hamburger stealing times are on the weekends and late at night when Ronald McDonald is tired and a lot easier to sneak past,” said an anonymous hamburglar. “We get paid the same measly rates whatever time of day we try to make off with armfuls of hamburgers.

“I also suspect that someone within the union is tipping off Ronald to when we’re starting a shift because that red-afroed prick is always suspiciously on the scene whenever we attempt a heist.”

Past attempts to organise a stronger union for hamburglars have been thwarted when gangs of strike busting grimaces armed with baseball bats stormed the meetings.

In other McDonald’s-related news NSW premier Mike Baird has sacked Mayor McCheese and replaced him with government approved administrator ahead of a proposed merger between the local governments of McDonald’s and KFC.

Peter Green

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Categories: News

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