An investigation into background checks has begun in Hell after it was found that some clients were exaggerating the quality of the souls they sold to the Prince of Darkness.
The investigation was launched after flags were raised about Donald Trump’s run for President of the United States of America. A spokesdemon said Americans were usually automatically flagged for checks as their souls are usually of poor standards.
“Greed and self righteousness usually leads to sub-par souls, so we usually do checks for most white people when they try to sell them on to Dark Lord,” the spokesdemon explained to The (un)Australian.
Questions were specifically raised about Trumps account. The records indicated that the real estate magnate had already sold his soul for his TV show, but it seems he had somehow talked the fame department into letting him have more fame.
“Trump can somehow make you feel like you did something wrong and makes you hurt inside,” said one customer support operator. “Frankly we can’t wait until he gets down here, he will make a great addition to the team”.
However, it wasn’t long before the investigation revealed a shocking fact: Donald Trump had no soul to sell.
The spokesdemon said: “I haven’t seen Lucifer this angry since he found out Michael Jackson had made it into Heaven!”
Trump refused to directly comment on the issue when asked by The (un)Australian, but simply said: “In business you should always know who you are dealing with.”
However, this only enraged the Devil even more, who began screaming: “That is my line!” Luckily for the Devil, he has every lawyer that ever lived and died in Hell to draw on for representation.
More investigations have begun into the quality and possible non-existences of other souls. Rumoured to be on the list are Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, who actually first met at the Souls For Fame sales pitch. Also targetted for investigation is every person who placed 2nd in reality TV shows.