Presidential candidate Donald Trump has interrupted his post convention holiday at his Black Sea “dacha” to deny allegations that he has close connections with Vladimir Putin.
“Those journalists making these stories up better think carefully about what they’re writing or else they’ll find themselves reporting on garbage collection for the local Siberian newspaper,” said Trump as he did a little dance with his arms folded while wearing a round furry hat. “I’ve never even met Mr Putin. Ask him yourself, he’s sitting right next to me.”
“I’d never encourage a foreign power to hack into the computers of the Democratic National Committee. Though to be honest I don’t really know what a computer is. I have trouble getting my head around how to work a “Speak and Spell” let alone one of those computer doo dahs.”
Mr Trump excused himself from his press conference to go for a ride through the snow on a sled drawn by three horses accompanied by his dancing bear. A spokesperson for Mr Trump later confirmed that his official campaign song has been changed to “Moscow” by Genghis Khan.